3.12.19 by Ryan Masteller

That was a great Bible study – I’m really glad we were all able to meet and really dive into the Word and pray with each other. I don’t know what I’d do without my small group – I really feel like I can open up to them about all the things I’m going through, all the issues at work, all the financial strains I’m shouldering from putting two kids through private school, all the marital stressors that pop up here and there. But mostly we work through these things by reading the Bible, consulting God’s Word for holy answers. And it works for guiding us through these troubled times, too – some social ills are so clearly condemned that we can help guide those who can’t understand that toward the path of righteousness. The Bible is Truth. God is Love. GOD IS SO GOOD.

Oh, what’s this? “S. Cooke teaching tape,” eh, “Weigh the Word”? Don’t mind if I do, thanks – I’m on a pretty good spiritual high right now that I could use some “Personal Ministry” guidance through the “Pathways in the Prophetic.” Just have to press Play…

Oh God! Jesus! Heavenly Father in Heaven, hallowed be thy name, and help me! What are these words emanating from this tape, and these sounds? Are they a test, O Lord? Are they a sign of the end times – is the Rapture upon us? This is SO not a “Personal Ministry” tape, it sounds instead like the unholy gibberish and warped physics of the demonic plane! I’m terrified, here comes a spiritual crisis… These voices mock me, they make sense to themselves but not to me. Now would be a good time to allow me to interpret these tongues, Lord! Maybe I’ll check InfoWars to see if they have anything on this S. Cooke …

Jackpot! InfoWars linked me to this great interview with We Need No Swords (sounds like a lefty peacenik organization if you ask me), and you can truly get a glimpse into the process this Cooke guy (S. stands for “Seth”), but you’re going to have to scroll pretty far down to do it. Turns out he grew up in a Christian environment, and he got his hands on some tapes his dad had put together NOT for artistic abuse, and there’s some text-to-speech programming involved (whatever that is), and Cooke doesn’t even believe in God even though he can recite Bible verses! I simply cannot fathom it – it all reeks of blasphemy. It even SOUNDS like blasphemy, all these warped readings, sometimes in unfathomable languages, interspersed with what sounds like a VHS tape getting eaten alive. Hymns become swarms of bees! I don’t even know anymore.

You heathens are gonna love this, but I’m going burn it along with some Eminem and Jerky Boys CDs… Edition of 77 from Satan’s buddy Cooke himself.