COIMS – Centers Parting
9.25.18 by Ryan Masteller

I am COIMS. “I cagoule glazed garibaldi.” “Lo-fi till I die!” shouts the Liquid Library. “Newage garage jazz?” “Newave All-tonal dub?”

Who’s asking these questions? When will we get the answers?

COIMS the great divider parts the centers of our understanding and exposes the gaping chasm that results.

***

[Five hours earlier… or later…]

I have questions, COIMS, and you’re not walking out of here a free man till I get answers to ’em! You don’t just show up here in my precinct with a cassette tape and a goofy grin and expect to get away with it. I know there’s more behind these grisly crimes, but I’m not certain how it all fits together. That’s why it’s so gosh-darned important that you tell me what you know.

I mean, we’ve exhausted all our leads. What are we talking here – evil spirits flitting in and out of pocket universes or something? Aliens? I’m grasping at straws here, man! Haven’t you ever seen X-Files? Twin Peaks? I’m at the end of my rope, I’m trying to think outside the box, for Christ’s sake. What’s it gonna take for me to pry the information out of you, huh? I KNOW you know who’s behind this! I KNOW YOU CAN HELP ME STOP—

***

Flash. Time shift.

***

COIMS melts minds. COIMS the great mind melter. COIMS divides. COIMS the great divider. COIMS rips the fabric of space-time. COIMS the ripper of space-time fabric. COIMS destroys your perception. COIMS the perception destroyer.

“Centers Parting” “fungus”-colored tape from Liquid Library. You play it, it distorts everything.